Stories of a life worth living!
Africa
My wife Lizzie, myself and two other friends had hired a guide (Shylock) and his 4×4 to take us on a Safari Trip through Botswana. We pulled up at a campsite by a river and pitched the tents. We then went out chasing Elephants and didn’t see a single one all day. Until late in the arvo, when the sun was starting to set and we headed back to camp. Hanging out in the back of the jeep, Lizzie suddenly spots one far over in the distance and we come to a screaming sliding holt. We all jumped up, cameras at the ready as about 150 elephants walked straight up to the car, parted in the middle and continued around us as if we weren’t even there. They were all there. The Mums, the Dads, the cousins and the little ones. We were stoked!
The sky was a perfect setting sun and an absolutely amazing experience. We then headed back to camp all smiles and loving the day we had just had. We had a few beers and Shylock cooked us a beautiful meal on the open fire. By now it was dark. And I mean pitch black! When for the first time, we heard a lion roar in the distance. Across the other side of the river. Ah perfect, pure sounds of Africa. I was loving it. Then, about an hour later, we heard another one. But this time it was on our side of the river, although still far away. We carried on, half heartedly laughing and cleaning the dishes and getting ready for bed, when Joe and Ken went off to the toilet. More growls from the midnight moon and we were all starting to get concerned. Another growl, although this time resonating deep in the belly of a very hungry beast. Ken and Joe sprinted back to the fire, breaking the world record for the 100m sprint and we all looked to Shylock for a plan. Right, the best thing to do is just get in your pathetic little plastic tents and go to sleep. YEAH RIGHTO MATE!!!GOOD ONE. So Lizzie and I went about 3m into the bush for a quick loo stop before hitting the sack. Delicately trying to be close to the camp but still out of site. Then Joe shouts at us. Hey guys I can see some eyes, as he shines his torch at us sitting there like a couple of possums caught in the headlights. Yeah, yeah, good one Joe. No, no, I can, look behind you. We looked behind us and saw the eyes of a massive lioness.Head down,right paw forward. Stalking. AAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Freeze! Shylock shouted at us. DO NOT MOVE!!!!! Ok. Now walk very slowly, backwards, back to the fire. The feeling of relief as we made it back to the fire alive was quickly vanished as a second lion came stalking around the other side of the jeep. One from each side. Teamwork. Unbelievable! They do this for a living. By this stage we were screaming our heads off and looking to Shylock for a little advice. Right Ken,Joe,Lizzie go and get by the fire. Stu here,catch. And he throws a bloody frying pan at me. What the hell do you expect me to do with this? Bang her on the nose as she rips me apart. And besides. Why can’t I get to go and stand by the fire too? Here comes another one. Great two frying pan’s. Smash em together and make as much noise as you can. And wave your arms around too. He went one way and I went the other. I don’t know what the guys at the fire were thinking but I must have looked like I was claiming first prize from the ministry of silly walks, flapping my arms and legs and feet. Even my bloody ears were flapping. I tried everything.
Well, the plan worked and they eventually got the idea that they weren’t wanted as they sniggered, turned around and waltzed off into the darkness. I felt like fainting. Shylock, where’s your bloody gun. Your an ex-poacher turned ranger. What were you thinking. “I don’t carry a gun anymore. I don’t like them”. It was the smell of the meat on the fire at attracted them. Yeah, well next time. Try vegetarian will you. Ok, so the best thing you can do now is get in your tents and go to sleep. Ok,Ok. We all went to bed. Petrified at the thought of what just happened. Petrified at the thought of a massive claw coming thru the tent wall and ripping us to shreds. Pure unadulterated fear! The next morning we all woke up to see some massive paw prints all around the tents. Shylock woke up laughing. What are you laughing at ? He said: You Stu! I couldn’t believe it. Within 2 minutes of you getting into your tent, you were snoring your head off!!!!!
We’ll that gets my heart going just telling the story.
Hope you enjoyed it.
Yours truly,
Stuart.
The sky was a perfect setting sun and an absolutely amazing experience. We then headed back to camp all smiles and loving the day we had just had. We had a few beers and Shylock cooked us a beautiful meal on the open fire. By now it was dark. And I mean pitch black! When for the first time, we heard a lion roar in the distance. Across the other side of the river. Ah perfect, pure sounds of Africa. I was loving it. Then, about an hour later, we heard another one. But this time it was on our side of the river, although still far away. We carried on, half heartedly laughing and cleaning the dishes and getting ready for bed, when Joe and Ken went off to the toilet. More growls from the midnight moon and we were all starting to get concerned. Another growl, although this time resonating deep in the belly of a very hungry beast. Ken and Joe sprinted back to the fire, breaking the world record for the 100m sprint and we all looked to Shylock for a plan. Right, the best thing to do is just get in your pathetic little plastic tents and go to sleep. YEAH RIGHTO MATE!!!GOOD ONE. So Lizzie and I went about 3m into the bush for a quick loo stop before hitting the sack. Delicately trying to be close to the camp but still out of site. Then Joe shouts at us. Hey guys I can see some eyes, as he shines his torch at us sitting there like a couple of possums caught in the headlights. Yeah, yeah, good one Joe. No, no, I can, look behind you. We looked behind us and saw the eyes of a massive lioness.Head down,right paw forward. Stalking. AAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Freeze! Shylock shouted at us. DO NOT MOVE!!!!! Ok. Now walk very slowly, backwards, back to the fire. The feeling of relief as we made it back to the fire alive was quickly vanished as a second lion came stalking around the other side of the jeep. One from each side. Teamwork. Unbelievable! They do this for a living. By this stage we were screaming our heads off and looking to Shylock for a little advice. Right Ken,Joe,Lizzie go and get by the fire. Stu here,catch. And he throws a bloody frying pan at me. What the hell do you expect me to do with this? Bang her on the nose as she rips me apart. And besides. Why can’t I get to go and stand by the fire too? Here comes another one. Great two frying pan’s. Smash em together and make as much noise as you can. And wave your arms around too. He went one way and I went the other. I don’t know what the guys at the fire were thinking but I must have looked like I was claiming first prize from the ministry of silly walks, flapping my arms and legs and feet. Even my bloody ears were flapping. I tried everything.
Well, the plan worked and they eventually got the idea that they weren’t wanted as they sniggered, turned around and waltzed off into the darkness. I felt like fainting. Shylock, where’s your bloody gun. Your an ex-poacher turned ranger. What were you thinking. “I don’t carry a gun anymore. I don’t like them”. It was the smell of the meat on the fire at attracted them. Yeah, well next time. Try vegetarian will you. Ok, so the best thing you can do now is get in your tents and go to sleep. Ok,Ok. We all went to bed. Petrified at the thought of what just happened. Petrified at the thought of a massive claw coming thru the tent wall and ripping us to shreds. Pure unadulterated fear! The next morning we all woke up to see some massive paw prints all around the tents. Shylock woke up laughing. What are you laughing at ? He said: You Stu! I couldn’t believe it. Within 2 minutes of you getting into your tent, you were snoring your head off!!!!!
We’ll that gets my heart going just telling the story.
Hope you enjoyed it.
Yours truly,
Stuart.
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